The Mummy Movie Season kicks off inauspiciously with Time Walker (1982). I watched this in snatched moments over four days, probably not the ideal way to watch a movie but I don’t think it would be improved at all by a continuous viewing.
The premise has promise – a mummy taken from an Egyptian tomb turns out to be an alien - but the promising premise is sadly squandered in this badly bungled, bargain basement, bandaged baddie bilge.
The first problem is the star, Ben ‘Alias Smith And Jones’ Murphy in the role of ProfessorDouglas McCadden. He’s either a.) wishing he were doing something else or b.) not a very good actor or c.) both. In any case he’s as wooden as a cricket bat but with less charisma.
The script (perhaps ‘teleplay’ would be nearer the mark) was obviously written to comply with the overriding directive – make it cheap! Thus the entire opening sequence comprises stock footage of the Pyramids and the entrance to a temple (supposedly the façade of Tutenkhamun’s tomb). Inside are McCadden and some other archeologist fellow. There’s an earthquake which causes a secret wall to collapse and inside is a sarcophagus (along the skeletal remains of a pharoahonic cortege).
So it is shipped to the Professor’s college in California, to be opened by….his students! This is a common set up in countless mummy (and ‘cursed artefact’ movies in general). You would expect a discovery of this magnitude to be handled by the world’s leading archeological specialists, in a strictly controlled environment and with the necessary security arrangements, not by a bunch of inept, horny, beer swilling teens in a modest laboratory which anyone can enter, on the science faculty of a minor college. But I could be out of touch, maybe it really does happen like that. They also seem to have their own on-site nuclear reactor…
The incompetence of the students in charge of X-Raying the contents of the sarcophogus leads to the Mummy being exposed to an overdose of radiation and we all know what that means. On the day that the press reporters (seemingly from the local rag) are convened to witness the grand opening, surprise, surprise! The Mummy’s not at home.
But his coffin does contain a green mould that turns out to be a flesh eating fungus. As it’s also all over his bandages, anyone he touches will be infected. And the theft of five crystals from a very obvious secret compartment in the base of the sarcophogus (which had been overlooked by everyone except the thieving bellend student) means that he’ll be ‘touching’ quite a few people in his quest to recover the glowing gems which somehow enable him to teleport back to his own planet. And at the end that’s what he does, vanishing in a blue glare and taking the willing McCadden with him.
Although there seems to be a lot going on, nothing really happens, we’re left with a lot of talking, endless Mummy POV shots (tinted green), some very brief ‘attacks’ and some more talking. There’s a crappy, Ancient Egypt themed ‘Frat party’ and a listless police investigation (conducted by the Campus Cop). Direction is pedestrian, acting just adequate, SFX cheap, and the whole perfunctory thing is as bleak as the moon and equally lacking in atmosphere and gravity. Instead of ‘The End’, the final caption warns the audience ‘To be continued….’ Luckily we never saw the return of this monster from the Id….stupid and insipid.
The Mummy Movie Season kicks off inauspiciously with Time Walker (1982). I watched this in snatched moments over four days, probably not the ideal way to watch a movie but I don’t think it would be improved at all by a continuous viewing.
The premise has promise – a mummy taken from an Egyptian tomb turns out to be an alien - but the promising premise is sadly squandered in this badly bungled, bargain basement, bandaged baddie bilge.
The first problem is the star, Ben ‘Alias Smith And Jones’ Murphy in the role of ProfessorDouglas McCadden. He’s either a.) wishing he were doing something else or b.) not a very good actor or c.) both. In any case he’s as wooden as a cricket bat but with less charisma.
The script (perhaps ‘teleplay’ would be nearer the mark) was obviously written to comply with the overriding directive – make it cheap! Thus the entire opening sequence comprises stock footage of the Pyramids and the entrance to a temple (supposedly the façade of Tutenkhamun’s tomb). Inside are McCadden and some other archeologist fellow. There’s an earthquake which causes a secret wall to collapse and inside is a sarcophagus (along the skeletal remains of a pharoahonic cortege).
So it is shipped to the Professor’s college in California, to be opened by….his students! This is a common set up in countless mummy (and ‘cursed artefact’ movies in general). You would expect a discovery of this magnitude to be handled by the world’s leading archeological specialists, in a strictly controlled environment and with the necessary security arrangements, not by a bunch of inept, horny, beer swilling teens in a modest laboratory which anyone can enter, on the science faculty of a minor college. But I could be out of touch, maybe it really does happen like that. They also seem to have their own on-site nuclear reactor…
The incompetence of the students in charge of X-Raying the contents of the sarcophogus leads to the Mummy being exposed to an overdose of radiation and we all know what that means. On the day that the press reporters (seemingly from the local rag) are convened to witness the grand opening, surprise, surprise! The Mummy’s not at home.
But his coffin does contain a green mould that turns out to be a flesh eating fungus. As it’s also all over his bandages, anyone he touches will be infected. And the theft of five crystals from a very obvious secret compartment in the base of the sarcophogus (which had been overlooked by everyone except the thieving bellend student) means that he’ll be ‘touching’ quite a few people in his quest to recover the glowing gems which somehow enable him to teleport back to his own planet. And at the end that’s what he does, vanishing in a blue glare and taking the willing McCadden with him.
Although there seems to be a lot going on, nothing really happens, we’re left with a lot of talking, endless Mummy POV shots (tinted green), some very brief ‘attacks’ and some more talking. There’s a crappy, Ancient Egypt themed ‘Frat party’ and a listless police investigation (conducted by the Campus Cop). Direction is pedestrian, acting just adequate, SFX cheap, and the whole perfunctory thing is as bleak as the moon and equally lacking in atmosphere and gravity. Instead of ‘The End’, the final caption warns the audience ‘To be continued….’ Luckily we never saw the return of this monster from the Id….stupid and insipid.